Sarcastic Parrot

View from Hotel

 

My parrot sits,
rainbow plumage,
on the balcony rail
far above the bustle
turning a wry eye
to watch me eat my omelet.
LOOK! AWWKK! I’M A HUMAN!
His sharp beak scratches at me
Then . . .
I’M SO DRUNK! AWWKK!
His mocking beak spits at me
tottering drunkenly, slovenly
side to side
on the precipitous rail.
Another fluffy bite of chorizo
MY! BEST FRIEND! AWWKK!
His pointed beak darts up and down
SORRY MARK! AWWKK! SORRY MARK! AWWKK! SORRY MARK! AWWKK!
His broken record hawks at me.

The wind whips around the building’s corner.

A tasty sliver of sausage
riddled with fat
slides past my tongue and gets
sideways, my eyes wide
OH GOD! AWWKK! MARK PLEASE! AWWKK!
His insinuating beak accuses as he
falls backward from the rail.
The attenuating wail becomes lost
as I hack the fatty pork
back atop my omelet.
I stare with tears at the plate
and my sarcastic parrot
alights back
on the rail.

Death in a Graveyard

 

Death walked amongst the tombstones in no particular hurry. His cloven feet had been specially fitted only a week ago, but now his shoes were rubbing. He should have broken them in. No use in whining about it now.

 

He looked down at his legs. As it turned out, duct tape did not fix everything. His flesh was still strung together haphazardly, with the bones exposed and shinning a bright white here and there. No matter how many times a day he ate, no matter how many plates of Burrito Supremes with extra beans he put down, no matter how much he lie around and took whole weeks off at a time (in which no one on Earth died, not that anyone noticed) he was still skin and bones. Literally. Still, after hanging out with Famine for a few days last spring, he couldn’t really complain. He was a pot-bellied pig compared to Famine.

 

Reaching his boney hands into a small, black sackcloth, Death grabbed a vial. It was about the size of a baby turtle minus the shell. Never seen a turtle without its shell? Never mind, it’s a little underwhelming anyway. To better explain, it was about the size of an Argentinian, three toed sloth in its twelfth week of gestation. Give or take a few ounces.

 

As Death glided silently through the dew-ridden grass and past numerous fake flower arrangements, he uncorked the vial. Maybe that’s a misnomer. It wasn’t a cork that was holding things inside the vial; it was actually the souls of one thousand and four Billy goats born on a summer’s solstice. Cork, you see, is slightly porous over millennia, and the souls of Billy goats are not.

 

The nubby carpals held slightly over the opening while those souls scattered in all directions with a panic that was devoid of any real purpose. Every so often, one of the souls would come across a train or screaming child and the goat soul would suddenly go stiff and fall over. This is because they were fainting goats in their past lives. Old habits die hard. At any rate, no one living noticed, and after a few seconds the goat souls hopped back up and continued on with their panicked travels.

 

There were only four million, seven hundred forty six thousand, nine hundred eighty eight drops, so he would have to choose carefully. It sounds like plenty, but there are a huge, huge amount of dead people all over the planet. Like billions. Probably a lot more than that, but I don’t want to sound braggy or pretentious by spouting off arbitrarily large numbers. Fine, I don’t really know the number, but it is really, really more than you could imagine without thinking about it for an amount of time that would also be so huge you really wouldn’t want to take the time to think about it, and then, well you see where that could end up going.

 

When Death chose a plot, he tipped the vial and let one drop of viscous, glowing purple liquid fall from the its open mouth. There was a moment of silence as time stopped and the lavender droplet fell through a vacuum of anticipation. When it finally passed through the Earth’s epidermis, there was a sound akin to a miniature, clown’s motorbike slamming its brakes on. A parade squelch of tiny rubber tires finding purchase on a summer Main Street in a small, Midwestern town. It was quite counterintuitive and very unnerving. He wasn’t sure of the physics involved, but was certain that said substance had no actual mass in this plane of existence and should therefore not make a sound at all. So the fact that it did made him question the one who had sold him the concoction. But that was a few thousand years ago and to tell the truth, he wasn’t certain if he still had the receipt, having kept it in a corked vial.

 

Death wondered to himself what the sound should sound like. What kind of ring it would have to have to please the ears or, at least, make sense based on the drop’s apparent liquidity and the grounds limestone mix. Like a heavy rain drop slapping some mud? A small, seedless grape being hit with a tennis racket? And if it didn’t have to make sense, as apparently it did not, then why not something more fanciful? Something like a woman’s quick, orgasmic moan, or the mischievous laughter of three dead children? Or for that fact, what about something you could actually listen two over and over again, millions of times, without getting bored out of your mind with it, like John Lennon’s Mind Games. And wouldn’t that be appropriate and fitting?

 

Another teardrop of magenta lightening passed from the chilly graveyard air to the casket below. Squelch!

 

“Fucking seriously, then!” Death raised his voice, and then quietened, looking around and feeling at once embarrassed with his outburst.

 

Death continued into the night. In his wake, no pun intended, the grounds began to loosen in places as the dead clawed their way from their claustrophobic, little resting places. And if you thought about like that, it was more of a rescue really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sixth Course

Dinner in Tallahassee

 

 

Fuck me lips
and a Styrofoam face
made for gasoline.

She stutters and spits
like an oilless engine,
groaning and grinding
cunt-like in the neon basement.

From the mouth of God
spews a lava-filled litany
of arcane curses
and forlorn yearning.

Her bruised, steampunk-blue neck
pinned to the soaked mattress
with an afterworld glow
that spreads it glistening tentacles
throughout the concrete room
like gossamer octopi.

The room is pregnant and
screaming pheromones
with piss dribbles of fear.

She is most alive
seconds before her death,
when the swirl of dirty bathwater
draws the last shaved hairs
to the sewer.
—–
She smiles at me from
across the restaurant linens and
asks if we can go back to her place.

First dates are so stressful.

Cold Pasta


How does dead skin taste
I repeated back
laughter muffled
like the smothered homeless
to officer shiny pants.
His partner, vomit-ridden
with us both
for illusory discrepancies
crimes against humanity
omnivorous and blatant
on the green porcelain plate.

Like cold rigatoni
I said
and it turned out to be
too simple a metaphor
too easily grasped
and the shiny pants smile
quizzical, indifferent, numb

transmogrified

because now . . .
now
now
they tasted that rigor mortis pasta
like I did.

And just like that
significant others will wonder
what’s wrong with their simple Italian dishes.

High Tide


We laughed and played and laughed
As the waves broke on the shore
And the Sun baked the sand
And the children screamed for more

Seagulls clustered here and there
Awaiting special treats
We played until our skin burned red
And sand crept in our seats

Then the growing ball of Orange
Slightly touched the ocean
Testing the water first,
It seemed to cease its motion

“Time to go,” I yelled and
shoulders slumped in sorrow
“No fussing or complaining
And we might come back tomorrow.”

Then the children smiled
A new light in their eyes
“We have something to show you.
It’s a really big surprise!”

They know I love surprises
As I follow them to the spot
Where they’ve dug a rather large hole
For such a tiny tot

C’mon dad they beg
We’ll do it really quick
So I climb into the hole
That they’ve hollowed with a stick

They pushed the sand around me
I played along with a giggle
Until the sand was packed so tight
That I couldn’t hardly wiggle.

One last tip of Orange
Cast a faint glow to their faces
And they smiled even wider
As they ran back to their places

They laughed and played and laughed
As the waves broke on the shore
And I screamed until I couldn’t
My throat raw, and sore

I looked up at the Moon
Brilliant in the sky
And couldn’t move my arms
Though I try and try and try

I cried until I laughed
Then I laughed until I cried
Then I smiled to myself
And giggled by and by

Hours came and went
And boredom took its toll
Monotony crept upon me
In my sandy little hole

I laughed and laughed and laughed
As the waves broke on the shore
Then I laughed and laughed and gurgled
And then I laughed no more.

So when it’s time to leave,
And they wanna stay and play
Don’t put off ’til tomorrow
What can be done today.

Pillow Envy


There is a pillow between us.

That’s all
just a fluffy puff of cotton and foam
lying nonchalantly, lengthways,
pointing carelessly at the headboard
and forming a T with the other pillows,
a circumspect intersection of downy
hiding its shameful face under the covers.

You are no further away
than before
and yet I can not seem to reach you.

It lies motionless and silent
as do we,
but I can hear it’s muffled laughing.

A feather-light wedge.
The softest of simple machines
prying our sleepy bodies apart
with no effort,
save its cottony presence.

You roll over and I can see
the soft outline of your face.
You embrace the barrier
dividing us and pull it close.

I take a moment to reflect
on the silliness of pillow envy,
then I grab the pillow and cast it
from the bed.

You are startled, but none the wiser
to the melee that has ensued.
I slide to the center of the bed
in victory and gloat myself to sleep
with your arm around me.

A Million of You

Cell Division


I’ve loved a million of you,
second by second,
through and through.

The one that I met
ordering fries,
a sheepish grin
and a timid line.

I’ve loved a million of you,
minute by minute,
through and through.

The one that I kissed
on top of the car,
the girl you were
the woman you are.

I’ve loved a million of you,
hour by hour,
through and through.

The one who carried
our children with care,
positive and negative
we make quite the pair.

I’ve loved a million of you,
day by day,
through and through.

The one who said yes
then yes, I do.

I’ve loved a million of you,
moment by moment,
through and through.

I’ve loved each and every person
that you’ve gradually become
and all the parts that added
to contribute to the sum.

I’ve loved a million of you,
person by person,
through and through.